Are you pregnant again after a traumatic or difficult birth experience last time? Perhaps you are feeling the rising tide of worry, anxiety or even panic as your due date approaches?
If so, I am sending you an even bigger tidal wave of love, compassion and some practical suggestions to get you through this pregnancy and even begin feeling confident about this next birth.
Although it is completely understandable that you feel worried about a repeat experience, that fear is likely getting in the way of taking some practical steps towards getting a healing birth this time round. The building anxiety and worry about birth can take up a lot of mental space and energy. Lifting this fear can make space and free up energy to plan practically for a different, better birth experience next time.
1. Resolve the fear and anxiety that you are naturally feeling. Sometimes even just thinking about getting pregnant again is enough to send birth trauma survivors into a panic. It’s not unusual for parents to recover well after a difficult or traumatic birth experience, only to find that when they are pregnant again that they start to experience trauma symptoms (recurrent thoughts about the last birth, flashbacks, nightmares, anger, anxiety etc). Typically, this anxiety grows throughout pregnancy as the EDD approaches. Did you know that you can can seek therapeutic support to lift trauma symptoms, and creates space for a different expectation of birth next time? TBR 3 Step Rewind does exactly this. EMDR also processes birth trauma in a similar way but it is typically harder to access and takes longer (6/12 sessions versus just 3 sessions for TBR 3 Step Rewind). Without treating the anxiety or trauma symptoms it is really challenging to imagine, let alone prepare for birth being a different experience this next time around. Luckily The Birth Republic has funding to provide easy access to parents who are pregnant or have children under 2 years of age. You can apply for funded sessions here and someone will be in touch to talk about the process.
2. Think carefully about your place of birth and how important it will be in helping to create the optimum conditions for your next birth to unfold easily, comfortably and calmly. Home birth isn’t what every woman wants but for those who are seriously re-triggered by hospital environments, people in white coats and the noises and smells of hospital, then home birth can be a good option. Some hospitals even have home birth teams specifically to support parents who have been traumatised by hospital birth previously.
3. Where ever you choose to give birth next time it will be important to gather a support team who are all behind making this next birth a better, satisfying and healing experience for you. This might include hiring a doula, it might include getting a birth partner who is not your partner, it might include hiring an independent doula.
4. If giving hospital birth another chance, then I always recommend that parents get a personalised birth plan signed off by their consultant midwife. This can take into account the previous birth trauma and actively create a contingency around avoiding the same factors as last time. This might mean expressly avoiding post date induction, or having a water pool, or staying out of the labour ward. Whatever might be triggered from the first birth experience needs to be avoided with this next birth if it is to have a chance of being a better, healing experience. Get this confirmed and rubber stamped by a consultant midwife or obstetrician.
5. Take an antenatal education class that will provide some practical comfort measures for coping with birth. Many antenatal classes also provide community support groups that can also provide encouragement, inspiring stories and belief in a better birth experience. There are home birth antenatal classes, hypnobirthing antenatal classes, bespoke doula antenatal classes that will all provide tools for coping with birth and community support too. We like Megan Rossiter’s Home Ed online course.
6. Immerse yourself in good birth stories. Even better seek out stories of healing births after difficult or traumatic experiences. There is a great website for this called; Tell Me A Good Birth Story which is full of good, healing birth stories, resources and advice by the brilliant doula and author Natalie Meddings.